本叔的商业英语——Oops！客户终于发现我一直坑他了，怎么破？

duduup

我不记得在哪篇写过的文章中说过，在合同和法律范围内，买卖双方都会想尽办法抢夺对方的利润，天经地义，没什么不好意思的。但这种「抢」，不是打劫的抢，而是智取。亏的一方很多时也不是单纯的亏。经一时长一智，当交学费就是了。作为采购，我在第一次买一些我方不熟悉的产品时，会比较接受「被坑」这码事。重要的是，我们要被坑多久才能成精。只要我们懂得学习，懂得进步，这些都只是学费。成精，成为专家，不是免费的。

换个角度看，客户虽然买贵了，但是有一样很有价值的东西，是你不易能理解的－－ time to market。如果能明白这一点，你就知道为什么客户能接受你第一次的高价。如果玩得好，还远不止就卖个高价呢。

这次的投稿也是挺经典的。同学仔第一次出货时价位不错，但后来客户也精了，懂得sourcing了，找了另一个便宜的。同学仔事败了唯有想办法补救，于是就写了这篇出来。废话少说，我们来看看原文吧。

你好

能够跟着你学习地道灵活的BE,我很开心也很幸运。

我这里有一封信想请求你帮我改一改。这封信是我7月份写的， 当时的背景是这样的， 这个客人是业务员通过网络开发的客人， 并成交了一个整柜的订单。 该客人是第一次做我们这样的产品， 从询盘到给我们下单，整个时间比较仓促。 根据业务员从客人那里了解的情况， 该客人经过这次采购后每月会有一单。 结果客人收到货物后，最开始还在积极给新的询盘，后来就不积极了，让业务员追问，最后得知的情况是， 客户嫌我们的价格贵了， 已经重新找到了新的供应商，并从新供应商那里走了一柜。

客人购买的这款产品在去年我们给他报价时，市场基本是我们那个价位， 今年5月份，市场上多了几个新的生产厂家，直接把以最低价格销售，与我们以前报给客人的价格差了很远。而我们在这个时候也有了低成本的一手货源，也可以满足甚至低于客人目前的目标价，所以，我在这种情况下直接给国外客人写了这封信。 虽然客人回了我的信，也告诉了我他目前所有款的目标采购价（不知是真是假），但是我直接再跟进时，客人直接说因为我们第一次给他价格太高，他有被坑的感觉。  自从看了的BE 之后，我在想， 如果我可以把这封邮件写得好点，也许还可以把客人挽救回来。

Dear xx

How are you ?

This is  B, manager and owner  of YYY. Co.ltd which I established 13 years ago. （这个要赞一个。直认自己是owner有好有不好，在这个案例来说，我会做同样的选择。因为客户不理你了，你也已经没什么可以再损失了，倒不如大方地以老板的姿势来跟客户聊，最后一搏）

We have been working with company like  AAA，AAB，AAC。。 etc . I am pleased to write to you directly instead of July today . （这。。。刚巧那同事叫July，后面有个today还是挺误会的。。说instead of XXX本来很正常，但整句就不太好。我也说不出那不好，但就是不会这样用）

It has been  our great pleasure  to work with your company. I appreciate very much that  you have offered us the firm offer and how we cooperated for the order.（这句改为I appreciate your business 就好了。原文有点累，而且不易明） Actually after checking your website , packing design and other small details for your goods, （THE packing！小错文法） I understand you are doing everything to put additional eco value to the goods. I am happy to see that our certificates of FSC and ISO are very useful to you . （这一张牌打得好。环保能为产品增值。同学以夸赞的口吻引出自己有CERT的优势，闷骚得分～）Since we have been in wood and bamboo items over 13 years, I realize that such eco bio packing items are popular almost over the world.  I assume your market is very promising .  （very promising 用来表达美好愿景是很好的字，但句式可惜了。不教文法，就不谈了。整体上是很好）It feels touching to me that  you also do your needful for charity organisation : oz harvest  besides your business . Actually I also do some contribution to Unicef every month ,although  just a very small portion , but I trust it is helpful for the children.  （另一张好牌－－公益，特别是对欧美。有时有些social audit还加分。关于这些事，有人会说是伪善，嗯。。可能吧。可是叔叔一直觉得，有些事，结果比动机重要。心底深处还是认同企业在社会上该有他的责任。同学仔这写法，英文简单，却让我有很sincere的感觉。这才是BE。）

We have been treasuring the cooperation with your esteemed company.  （一言不合又esteemed。一向不太建议用这个字，因为我想不出有什么事让你觉得客户是如此的esteemed。这跟dear, kindly等等一个理。生意关系既是平等，那用得着这种花言巧语。）Unfortuately  I  was told by July yesterday that you have moved your orders to another supplier because of price （记得＃10我说过price 和pricing的分别吗？这里用pricing比price要好，但我的话会用previous quotation，甚至是previous version of quotation。这个用字特别值得讲究。为什么？这跟整个回应的策略有关。我用previous quotation就能给人一个感觉 ，「我们的报价是能变动的」。一般来说，我们采购最讨厌会变动的报价，可是如果有合理的理由／解释／借口的话，有些时候还是能接受的。这个故事既然已经是半死的客户了，不妨放手一搏，用另一套打法，「至死地而后生」） I understand your if I was （这里真教教英文。「If I was you」为什么要用过去式？因为这是个假设。你永远不能成为他，所以是一个不可能实现的假设，我们会用过去式。你有时候可能会见到were，人家也没有错。was 跟were都是可以的，因为是I。）in your position . From your mail, I realise that you might think we didn't support your business from the starting point  the day 1.  For this point , I feel sorry you got such impression . We  are making   every effort  to support our customer to win the market, which is our  principle to run the company. but obviously from your comments,  we must work harder to make our customers' happy including  you .（这一段特别不好。不好的地方跟上次品质问题差不多，说了一堆以客为先什么的，却没有一句实际有用的。既没有解释原因，也没有改变方法。我已经可以看到老外读完后心里那句bull shit。）

duduup

In order to offer good products with better price and nodowngrading quality （这个字。。你自己发明的吗？改！without compromising quality会好很多）, every year we put a lot of attention on bettering （又一个自己发明的字？不过这还好，很多美式英语都是这样出来的。我建议improving，简单真接又常用）the supply chain of every material from main to side and we also put attention on the attention on upgrading productivity  .  For wooden cutlery, we  have just finish to  upgrade our produciton line to raise the efficiency and to save the timber during the past three weeks.  According to our testing during this week , by improving efficiency and saving timber, our cost of wooden cutlery can be reduced a lot  ,. But during the time we made the first order, we couldn't reach it. for example , price of 160mm spoons, now we can offer at USD16.50 /1000pcs/carton. （好了，看到这里，我就呼了口气。原来你还是有改善方案的。可是！可是！你的BE已经让客人有bullshit的感觉，已经先入为主了。要知道，读电邮是从上而下的，上面的文字如何越读越让人生气，那你后面的文字是事倍功半，非常费力才能改变读者的感觉。不过，值得赞的还是思维。同学仔以「改变生产与供应链效率」为切入点。不过讲真，明白人都知道，三星期能把效率提升到可以如此降价，也是醉了。没关系了，反正大家也是找个理由而已，就这样可以的了。）

In all, you need a  dependable and competitive supplier and we need an  reliable and ambitious  customer. So I hope we can sit together for business again.  (哈哈！好！直接！不吹什么要做个好朋友什么的。生意就是互相需要！赤裸裸的supply and demand我个人很接受。只要不是无礼的话，很多客户也是喜欢这样直接的）

your  quick and constructive feedback will be much appreciated.

duduup

其实整体来说，此篇的用语和思维都是不错的。我不想硬要找些错误出来，这没意思。真要改的话，我就从中间第三段We have been treasuring开始吧。因为之前的写得不错。那么以下直接到第三段了：

Yesterday I was told that you decided to work with another supplier due to pricing reason.  It is of course a bad news for us but is understandable for me.  （所谓话术，就是寻求双方的认同点。你懂的。。）Few months ago when we started work out this project together both of us were not experienced.  The first batch was made in “test-tube” - your requirement is not fully standard and we need to calibrate our manufacturing capability to fit it.  We were fully focusing on your time-to-market — how soon you can launch your product into your market.  No doubt that would induce a higher start up cost.  Yet, we worked out all the difficulty and we made it in such a short time.  Now we are running into ramp up phase with many improvement - new supply chain, new manufacturing process.  It is a pity that you’ve gone.  We waste our improvement and you risk a new supplier.  

For us it is not a difficult product and with the improvement and experience gained from the last order I am confident that we can provide a new offer that would interest you.  (see attachment).  I hope we could come back and discuss our cooperation. （这里也简单把我能减价的理由概括了）

Regards,
Ben