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你写的开发信是不是有很多废话

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发表于 2016-10-9 10:37:03 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
原来写开发信的好坏与工作年限无关,与思路有关,你还是老思路吗?看维尼如何指导写开发信。

有个小伙伴做车载产品的,发来开发信,让我帮她看看开发信问题在哪,内容如下:
Hi ,

Glad to know you are on the market for some Car HUD.This is Lisa,factory for Car

HUD projects car dashboard data(like speed,fuel consumption etc) onto the wind screen.It is a new technology now widely used in car industry.

It devides into 2 types:OBDII and GPS.Former one connected by OBDII cable line and used for cars with OBDII socket(Euro:after 2003,Asian:after 2007,Japan:not available),latter one connected by cigaeatte lighter charger,universal for any cars.

Our HUD exported to many countries,unit price ranges from US$39-US$50 EXW Shenzhen.

All HUD has CE,ROHS,FCC and a 1 year warranty.OEM&ODM both welcome.

Could I sahre you more details if you are interested in?

Looking forward to your reply,thanks.

Best Regards,
Lisa

我的指导:第一,冗长;第二,没有突出点;第三,废话太多
我的改善建议:简短,突出重点,介绍产品卖点,具体一款或者几款,通常是新品。公司介绍一句话概括。最后改成,Can I share more with you ?
发表于 2017-4-27 19:07:07 | 显示全部楼层
交流经验,供求分享,外贸群533645120,
或者直接扫描我头像就可以进群哦
群主是做谷歌必应推广的,有需要可以找他19
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