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刚从事外贸的时候也为如何写好开发信犯难，不过那已经是过去了，刚在一个外贸网站上看到的，觉得内容还不错，就原封不动的转给其他的外贸新手参考下：
新手如何写好开发信
很多外贸业务员朋友常常抱怨，开发信效果很差，100封里面好几十封退信，剩下的就是石沉大海，难得有一个老外回一句“No, thanks.”就可以让你激动半天。我先列举一些大部分朋友写email时常范的错误，大家可以看看，对比一下自己，其中的几条是自己也会有的？接下来再讨论开发信怎么写。呵呵。
1）邮件写得过长
2）没有明确的主题。
3）长篇大论的公司或工厂介绍。
4）爱炫耀英文水平。
第一个应聘者是这样写的：
Dear Mike,
This is Jenny from EDF Co. Ltd. We're so pleased to receive your samples. I already sent them to our factory last week, and was informed the real material is PP, not ABS as you mentioned last time. What's the matter?
I'll give you reply as soon as we get the offer from the factory. It will take several days. Please be more patient. But they also told me, the raw material increased these days. Could you please confirm the price quickly after you get it? We'll purchase the raw material and do the production immediately!
Looking forward to your reply. Thank you!
Best regards,
Jenny
这封邮件写得好么？老实说还可以，虽然主动语态和人称多了点，但是内容都点到了，表达也算通顺，用的词汇也都是挺简单的，不难懂。但是不是有点啰嗦？如果能简单一点，是不是更好？我们看看第二位应聘者写的email：
Dear Mike,
How are you?
We received your all samples. The factory checked the details, and found the material was PP, not ABS as you told.
Please give them some more time to re-check the price, because the material is different from the past orders. However, the material was increased very quickly! Therefore, please kindly place the order soon if the price is ok for you! We'll do production asap.
Thank you in advance!
Kind regards,
Tommy
这封呢？我个人觉得比上一封号一点，毕竟主动和被动语态结合，“We”只出现了一次，不算太枯燥。内容也稍微简单了一点，点到位了。最重要的是，他把purchase the raw material去掉了，直接用“We'll do the production asap.”这样更简洁，毕竟你要生产，能不采购原材料么？所以这是废话。缺点是，我个人感觉还是啰嗦了一点。
我会这样写：
Hi Mike,
Samples received and already passed to vendor. The material was PP, not ABS. Offer sheet is preparing and will be sent to you soon.
By the way, raw material increased these days, pls make a decision quickly to go ahead after price confirmed. We'll arrange the mass production asap.
Thanks and best regards,
几句话点到主题，表达清楚就可以了。能用一句话表达的，千万不写两句，省掉一切能省的废话。写完以后其实可以读一遍，看哪句话可以删掉，哪句话可以换一种表达方式，少用第一人称，多用被动语态！等到你重新检查的时候，发现已经简单的不能再简单，没词可以删了，那就点“发送”吧~~
只要做到“简洁”、“清楚”、“准确”，这就是一封好的email了。
5）喜欢用奇奇怪怪的字体。
一般客人在邮件里特别加粗，或者大写，或者用红色标注的，肯定是特别强调的东西。比如有个客人的邮件如下：
Dear C,
Please help to send the samples to my HK office BEFORE THIS WEEKEND.
Thanks.
Rio
这就很明显了，客人用大写的目的是为了提醒并强调，必须要周末前寄出！可能这封邮件很简单，你不太容易忽视，但是如果一封很长的邮件，里面详细确认各种规格的时候，突然加了一句要你周末前寄样品，是很容易被忽略的。
6）主动语态用得太多。
英文信函中，如果你仔细琢磨老外的行文方式，很少会充满We，I之类的人称的。相反要多用被动语态。
比如说，我们明天会寄你样品。中国人喜欢说We'll send you the samples tomorrow. 这句话没错，语法正确，意思清楚，但是老外就不喜欢这样说。他们通常会这样写：Samples will be sent to you tomorrow. 用得是被动语态，人称就没有了。
7）经常会问一些毫无意义的话。
开发信还是要直接一点，告诉客人你是谁，你做什么，你的优势在那里。只要清楚表述出这3点，就完全足够了。其他的东西可以以后慢慢谈。
8）喜欢用附件和图片
第一次联系客人的时候最好全文本，不要出现任何的图片和附件。
即使收到客人询价后第一次报价，如果不是客人指定，尽量避免用excel或word附件，最好是直接在邮件里写明。我一般会这样写：
Item: Solar lantern with soft handle
Model No.: HBC-294847/KT
Description:.................(把详细的规格写清楚)
Package: color box
MOQ: 1,000pcs
Pcs/ctn: 20pcs/ctn
Ctn size: 50*40*60cm
GW/NW: 20kg/18kg
Q'ty/20': ....pcs; Q'ty/40': ...pcs
Loading port: Shenzhen
Payment terms: T/T, L/C, D/P, etc.
Valid time: 60 days
FOB Shenzhen: USD2.39/pc
CIF Valencia: USD2.45/pc
9）喜欢插入URL链接。
10）语气过于生硬。
所以please, help, kindly, could, thank you, appreciate这样的话在邮件来往中是很普遍的。除非你和客人已经非常熟了，偶尔客套一下即可，平常就可以不需要了。
呵呵，坦白说，我以前的email写得并不好，后来有个比较热心的老外指点过我一些，然后我开始有意识地去模仿他们的行文方式和遣词用句，尽管还是有这样那样的缺点，但比一开始已经好很多了。不怕大家笑话，我把我刚工作的时候写的开发信给大家看看：
Dear Katherine:
This is C from DEF Co. Ltd. in Shenzhen. Very glad to write to you here! It's my pleasure to be on service of you if possible!
Firstly, let me introduce my company in short. We're ........... (长篇大论的公司介绍，写了整整两大段，这边就不贴了)
Our products are very popular in both global market and domestic market. Welcome to visit our company if you have time! We'll arrange the car to pick you up from the airport. It's convenient to our company, just 50 kilometers! Our goal is......(这边是写公司的宗旨，什么质量第一，服务优良之类的，总之都是些废话)
Enclosed our price quotation sheet for your reference. Please check and find if some items meet your interest. If so, I'll be happy to send you samples for evaluation! We sincerely hope to establish business relationship with your esteemed company! And I also hope to be your friend in private!
If any questions, please contact me freely! Thank you!
Looking forward to your early reply!
Yours sincerely,
C
DEF Co. Ltd.
****Road, ***city, ***province, China
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Email: ***
Website: ***
够震撼吧？我现在自己看看都想笑。这就是学校里外贸函电学出来的东西呢，实际应用中实在惨不忍睹，甚至还要教你在email的左上角写上公司名和公司地址、日期，我的妈呀，现在哪有老外这样写的，只有以前用手写的时候貌似才有。
接下来给大家分享一封老外写的email开发信，大家看看：
Hey guy,
XYZ trading here, exporting LANTERNS with good quality and low price in US.
Call me, let's talk details.
Rgds,
Rick
Cell phone: *** |
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雷达卡
发表于 2012-9-27 14:42:22
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发表于 2012-11-27 15:50:13
楼主
，先学习一下吧，别的外贸论坛都是理论的，没有实例。