关于前辈们对我开发信的指点
外贸前辈们好，这是我刚写好的开发信，不知道是不是很妥当，暂时不敢发出去，球哥哥姐姐们给予指导和修订，谢谢。Dear xxxx :
Wish you enjoy a great day!
This is Angela from China. We are writing to you to establish long-term trade relations with you.
From your company web,we get to know that your company is an influence company in your business and are dealing with computer power.We would like to take this opportunity to introduce our company and products.
We are a leading company with many years experience in pc power export business. Our products have attained CCC,CE,SonCap and RoHS certificates to meet different countries requirements.All our products enjoy great popularity and with a high reputation for superior quality..For more details,you may also visit our website : www.asiabag.com, which includes our latest product line.
Our FOB Shenzhen price is 6-30 USD per piece,delively time is about 10-15 days MOQ is 500 pieces,payment terms is L/C or T/T.
Should any of these items be of interest to you, please let us know. We will be happy to give you a quotation upon receipt of your detailed requirements.We look forward to receiving your enquires soon.
Best regards
Yours sincerely,
Wendy Zhang
Tell : 86 595 0000000
Fax: : 86 595 0000000
Email : fob5@gmail.com
MSN : fob5@msn.cn
Skype :fobbbs
建议一：
楼主好，对于开发信我不算很在行，在我的角度，觉得存在以下问题
This is Angela from China. We are writing to you to establish long-term trade relations with you.有署名，这个不必要
Our FOB Shenzhen price is 6-30 USD per piece,delively time is about 10-15 days MOQ is 500 pieces,payment terms is L/C or T/T.没有询价之前，这个我觉得也不用先给出
语言尽量简练，比如we get to know that 直接weknow that ，还有其他一些用句还可以简练一些
细节方面还请各位专家来点评。
建议二：
Dears : 没有具体名字吗？
下面这三段太罗嗦。把它们用一句话表达。
Wish you enjoy a great day!
This is Angela from China. We are writing to you to establish long-term trade relations with you.
From your company web,we get to know that your company is an influence company in your business and are dealing with computer power.We would like to take this opportunity to introduce our company and products.
这段写的不错：We are a leading company with many years experience in pc power export business. Our products have attained CCC,CE,SonCap and RoHS certificates to meet different countries requirements.All our products enjoy great popularity and with a high reputation for superior quality..For more details,you may also visit our website : www.asiabag.com, which includes our latest product line.
many years具体是多少年？
我最后修改的
前辈们，征询你们的意见后修改成这样行吗？
Dear....... :
Wish you enjoy a great day! We are writing to you to establish long-term trade relations with you for you are an influence company in dealing with computer power.We would like to take this opportunity to introduce our company and products.
We are a leading company with 7 years experience in pc power export business. Our products have attained CCC,CE,SonCap and RoHS certificates to meet different countries requirements.All our products enjoy great popularity and with a high reputation for superior quality..For more details,you may also visit our website : http://www.asiabag.com/, which includes our latest product line.
Should any of these items be of interest to you, please let us know. We will be happy to give you a quotation upon receipt of your detailed requirements.We look forward to receiving your enquires soon.
Best regards
Yours sincerely,
Wendy Zhang
Tell : 86 595 0000000
Fax: : 86 595 0000000
Email : fob5@gmail.com
MSN : fob5@msn.cn
Skype :fobbbs 修改之后好多了:) 但 我看不出来你对客户公司的了解！不能只说自己公司， 自己公司介绍在两句左右就好，要提下客户公司让他有种自豪感！
RE: 关于前辈们对我开发信的指点
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